Looking Good

Two men and one woman walk up to a building that appears to be a restaurant. They enter the glass doors and approach the Hostess’ podium.

Hostess: Welcome to Decor. Will you be having your dining experience in the Hipster Lounge or the Stuffy Dining Room today?

Guest A: The Lounge, please.

Hostess: Wonderful. May I start you off with a table? Today our specials are hand-hewn wood slab or retro formica.

Guest B: Is the retro formica just like my grandmother’s?

Hostess: The very same!

Guest B: I think we’ll go with the wood slab.

The other guests nod in agreement.

Hostess: Certainly! Right this way.

They are seated on benches at a hand-hewn wooden table, in an all-white room.

Hostess: Here are some menus for you. Your Decorator will be right with you.

Guest A: Great.

Guest C: So much to choose from! San Francisco hipster, Austin hipster, New York hipster, even Portland hipster!

Guest B: I’m feeling more San Francisco hipster, myself.

All study the menu for a few moments. The Decorator approaches.

Decorator: Hello there, how is everyone tonight?

Guest A: Unusual, and you?

Decorator: Wonderful, styley. May I start you out with some ambient sound? We just got wind on tap.

Guest B: Does that come with chimes?

Decorator: It can, absolutely. Anything else while you look at the menu?

Guest A: That will do, thank you.

Decorator leaves.

Guest C: Mmmm, abstract metalwork.

Guest B: Are you looking at this one? Points to a picture of an exploded clock on the menu.

Guest C: Noooo, this one. New York. Points to a picture of a twisted chrome bumper.

Guest A:  Ooch, I’m allergic to shiny things. What if we just got a basket of Christmas lights, to share?

Guest C (disappointed): Fine. But I’m getting the driftwood centerpiece.

They look at the menu, silently.

Guest B: You know, this place used to have really good macrame. I don’t see it anymore.

Decorator approaches.

Decorator: So, have you decided?

Guest C: I think so.

Guest A: Three tiny succulents, please.

Decorator: Would you like those on a piece of rustic driftwood, in miniature terrariums, or tucked into hollowed rocks?

Guest A: The driftwood, please.

Decorator: Sand or no sand?

Guest A: shrugs. I don’t care.

Guest C: Yes, get it! I love sand. Irritants, am I right? They laugh.

Decorator: Great. And can I get you all any lighting?

Guest B: Yes, the basket of Christmas lights.

Decorator: Sure. Did you get a chance to check out our specials tonight?

All: No!

Decorator flips over the menu. We just added these.

Guest C reads: Taxidermy?

Guest C (considering): Are these boar heads free range?

Decorator: Yes. Our Austin hipster guests love them.

Guest A: Um, guys, my wife’s gone vegan? I’m supposed to be avoiding animal products.

Guest C: Oh, okay. Are you sure?

Decorator: For a vegan option, we do have sticks of Madrone, artfully arranged.

Guest C (doubtful): Would that go with the table? And the driftwood?

Guest A: I say we go for it. You only live once, right? They laugh.

Decorator: Great. I’ll get that all going for you guys.

The three guests chat while the Decorator brings out items and the Arrangers arrange them.

Decorator: How is everything so far?

Guest A: Well, these Christmas lights are a little cold, to be honest.

Decorator: Oh! They’re LED. They’re actually supposed to be that way.

Guest B: Sort of like gazpacho?

Decorator: Exactly. But I can bring you something else, if you prefer? Some candles?

Guest A: No no, it’s fine. These are the low-carbon option, right?

Decorator: You’re absolutely right!

Decorator leaves. Sound of wind chimes.

Guest C: This is great. Thanks for grabbing lunch with me, guys.

Guest B: Yes, we really should eat here more often!


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