Two men and one woman walk up to a building that appears to be a restaurant. They enter the glass doors and approach the Hostess’ podium.
Hostess: Welcome to Decor. Will you be having your dining experience in the Hipster Lounge or the Stuffy Dining Room today?
Guest A: The Lounge, please.
Hostess: Wonderful. May I start you off with a table? Today our specials are hand-hewn wood slab or retro formica.
Guest B: Is the retro formica just like my grandmother’s?
Hostess: The very same!
Guest B: I think we’ll go with the wood slab.
The other guests nod in agreement.
Hostess: Certainly! Right this way.
They are seated on benches at a hand-hewn wooden table, in an all-white room.
Hostess: Here are some menus for you. Your Decorator will be right with you.
Guest A: Great.
Guest C: So much to choose from! San Francisco hipster, Austin hipster, New York hipster, even Portland hipster!
Guest B: I’m feeling more San Francisco hipster, myself.
All study the menu for a few moments. The Decorator approaches.
Decorator: Hello there, how is everyone tonight?
Guest A: Unusual, and you?
Decorator: Wonderful, styley. May I start you out with some ambient sound? We just got wind on tap.
Guest B: Does that come with chimes?
Decorator: It can, absolutely. Anything else while you look at the menu?
Guest A: That will do, thank you.
Guest C: Mmmm, abstract metalwork.
Guest B: Are you looking at this one? Points to a picture of an exploded clock on the menu.
Guest C: Noooo, this one. New York. Points to a picture of a twisted chrome bumper.
Guest A: Ooch, I’m allergic to shiny things. What if we just got a basket of Christmas lights, to share?
Guest C (disappointed): Fine. But I’m getting the driftwood centerpiece.
They look at the menu, silently.
Guest B: You know, this place used to have really good macrame. I don’t see it anymore.
Decorator: So, have you decided?
Guest C: I think so.
Guest A: Three tiny succulents, please.
Decorator: Would you like those on a piece of rustic driftwood, in miniature terrariums, or tucked into hollowed rocks?
Guest A: The driftwood, please.
Decorator: Sand or no sand?
Guest A: shrugs. I don’t care.
Guest C: Yes, get it! I love sand. Irritants, am I right? They laugh.
Decorator: Great. And can I get you all any lighting?
Guest B: Yes, the basket of Christmas lights.
Decorator: Sure. Did you get a chance to check out our specials tonight?
Decorator flips over the menu. We just added these.
Guest C reads: Taxidermy?
Guest C (considering): Are these boar heads free range?
Decorator: Yes. Our Austin hipster guests love them.
Guest A: Um, guys, my wife’s gone vegan? I’m supposed to be avoiding animal products.
Guest C: Oh, okay. Are you sure?
Decorator: For a vegan option, we do have sticks of Madrone, artfully arranged.
Guest C (doubtful): Would that go with the table? And the driftwood?
Guest A: I say we go for it. You only live once, right? They laugh.
Decorator: Great. I’ll get that all going for you guys.
The three guests chat while the Decorator brings out items and the Arrangers arrange them.
Decorator: How is everything so far?
Guest A: Well, these Christmas lights are a little cold, to be honest.
Decorator: Oh! They’re LED. They’re actually supposed to be that way.
Guest B: Sort of like gazpacho?
Decorator: Exactly. But I can bring you something else, if you prefer? Some candles?
Guest A: No no, it’s fine. These are the low-carbon option, right?
Decorator: You’re absolutely right!
Decorator leaves. Sound of wind chimes.
Guest C: This is great. Thanks for grabbing lunch with me, guys.
Guest B: Yes, we really should eat here more often!